At Midnight
by A Not-So-Regular Girl
Summary: Often, the outside appearance of a person is not their complete self, even their personality. Sometimes, people have to learn this fact the hard way.
1. Notes

**Hi, it's Not-So-Regular Girl here! I just wanna say that this story is taken from my account on Wattpad, Otaku-chwan. If you have an account on there (or don't :p), go and read it for yourself! That's where my earliest updates will come in. I don't usually go on this site, so... Yeah. **

**Prepare!**


	2. one

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

It's midnight, and you can't sleep.

You turn over to look at him, so peaceful and calm in his sleep. You can't help but gaze lovingly at those features. Something pulls you towards him, makes you want to meet those soft, luscious lips. But you can't. You're his friend. You can't risk ruining your friendship with him.

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

He doesn't stir.

You just lie there, thinking only of him; his smile, his hair, his _scent_. You take in his scent for a moment. Fabric softener, with a hint of mint. You lean in just a little to take in his scent a little more.

"Ah."

He shifts away from you. You are a little hurt by this, but as you keep staring at his back, you can make out shuddering. _What's happening?_ you wonder, leaning in closer.

That's when you hear a faint sob. You dismiss it as your imagination, but as it gets louder and louder, you get more and more worried. What was happening?!

You sit up, crawling out of the futon and looking at his face.

His face is twisted into an expression of pain, and as you look closer, you can see tears trailing down his face. It horrifies you to see him like that, and, thinking he is having a nightmare, you reach a hand out to him to wake him.

"...Mom... Dad..."

He grabs your hand and squeezes it, pulling you towards him. The smallest of smiles graces his face, and you calm down. He stops crying, instead pulling you in for a tight hug.

"...miss you..."

You hug him back to comfort him, but the reality quickly sinks in.

He was an orphan. That was why he had never invited you to his house; he had lost the privilege to live in it a long time ago.

You lose awareness of your surroundings, but you realise that your vision is blurred. With tears. And that you're kissing him, tasting his sweetness. You quickly pull away, disgusted at yourself. But he doesn't stir.

You let the tears fall, scared of yourself. _What did I just do?!_

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

It's 1 AM, and you fall into a teary-eyed sleep, the scent of fabric softener and mint never fading away.  
_

You open your eyes to a sunlit bedroom and the delicious scent of cooking. You sit up, taking in your surroundings.

The door clicks open and your attention is drawn straight to it when you see who is at the door.

He is holding a tray with two plates of pancakes, smiling in a way that would have made you melt.

Instead, you burst into tears.

-end-


	3. two

"Nikki-!"

He knelt down and stared at you in concern, which only made you cry harder.

"I-I... Nikki..." He tried to close the distance between you and him with his arms, but you collapsed on the bed in a fetal position, still sobbing.

You could barely make out his expression, but you didn't want to see it. It would only add to your already unbearable pain.

After what felt like an eternity of tears, you finally mustered up the courage to look at him. You immediately wished you hadn't.

His face was the epitome of rejection. His eyebrows were furrowed in anxiety, a few drops leaking from his eyes that looked straight into your own.

"Nikki... Did you see?"

He didn't need to explain what he meant. You nodded slightly, not getting up, scared of what could happen. Would he hate you if he found out what you did? That thought constricted your throat even more, and you kept sobbing.

"...so...sorry...please...don't..."

You couldn't bear it anymore. You ran out of his room, wiping your tears off your cheeks. You went to the bathroom and splashed your face with ice-cold water. You didn't bother with your usual morning routine, instead gathering your things from the living room and dashing into the kitchen, almost running into Betty.

"Good morning, Nikki!" She sounded so pleasant and friendly that you almost forgot of your own sadness. But it latched onto your mind like a leech.

"Would you like-"

"I'm fine." No, that wasn't a good way of saying it. "I-I mean, I'm okay. I'm not hungry. It's just... I need to go home. May... May I please call my parents?"

Betty contemplated this for a few moments, face showing slight confusion. But it reverted back into her usual gentle smile. "No worries, Nikki. Would you at least like to take home some breakfast?"

"Ah, I-I'm fine," you reassured, faking a smile. "Phil and Brandon," You tried not to sob at his name, "-would probably need it more. I don't want to offend you, Betty... I'm just not feeling hungry."

Betty patted your head. "That's fine, Nikki. Thank you so much for coming. Phil, Brandon and I have enjoyed your company."

"Ah, you're welcome. Thank you so much for letting me stay over and letting me help with Fuzzy Friends."

"Anytime, Nikki."

So you sat in the living room and called your parents. They were surprised to hear of your decision, but they still arrived at the house to pick you up.

As you bid goodbye to your hosts, you tried not to let your thoughts wander to Brandon.

As the car moved farther and farther away from the lot of the Smith's, you caught a brief sight inside the house.

A figure stood there, face unrecognisable.

Something shone in their hand.


	4. three

The next day, you went on with your daily routine, arriving to school with time to spare.

Even thought that fact would've made students overjoyed to earn time off school at school, you were different. You were desperate for a distraction, and this wasn't the right kind.

So you tried instead to look for Chloe, Zoey and Marcy. They were probably at school at this time.

As you made your way through the crowd of students minding their own business, you locked eyes-if only for the briefest moment- with him.

Tears pricked at your eyes.

The classes went by so fast- even the ones you hated didn't last an eternity.

But when it came time to go to Biology, you realised with dread that this was why. Of course.

You entered the class, putting on what you considered was a "normal" face for students patiently waiting for class to start. But inside, you panicked. It was only a matter of time before he arrived- a matter of time before you had to face the consequences.

This time, time ticked so agonisingly slow- the clock mocked you with its snail-paced second hand.

The witch in designer clothing wasn't around- yup, the world hated you that much.

And so you waited, staring blankly straight ahead.

"Miss Maxwell? Miss Maxwell?"

A hand snapped its fingers in your face, cutting you off from your dream-like trance.

"H-huh? Wha-"

An audible sigh. "You know very well that you're supposed to be concentrating in class, Miss Maxwell."

"Well I-"

"After-school detention for you. Now, listen to my lesson. Got it?"

"Y-yes, Ms Kincaid."

Feeling the stares of people burning into your neck, you tried your best to refocus on the lesson being taught. It was hard, what with the droning of the teacher lulling you to sleep, the burning embarrassment of what had happened earlier distracting you and that damn boy that somehow still managed to keep himself stuck in your mind.

Speaking of "that damn boy", right after the lesson, he tried to talk to you.

"Nikki."

You kept your eyes away from him, afraid to face the result of that day. What would he do if you turned around?

"Oh... I see."

Slow footsteps sounded, and as they got softer, you felt more and more like bursting into tears right there. Was he even mad? He didn't even push you to talk to him.

Sighing, you stepped out to the Cafeteria, hoping Chloe, Zoey and Marcy could take your mind off everything.

As you sat at the table with them, chewing monotonously on a sawdust sandwich, Chloe spoke up.

"Nikki, what's wrong?"

It took a few seconds for that question to register in your mind. "Um, nothing. Just... you know."

"No, I don't know. You've been so quiet all day. What's wrong?" Chloe snapped.

You couldn't bring yourself to look her in the eye, so you simply said, "It's... school. I got detention. It's an after-school one." You raised your head slightly to see if she'd believe you.

Her face softened. "Oh. Sorry, Nikki... You just seemed so worried, and you know I hate it when one of my best friends is worried. But it's okay. Zoey, Marcy and I'll text you. Right, guys?" She shot them expectant looks.

"Of course, Chloe!" Marcy immediately answered.

But Zoey didn't respond. She kept her narrowed eyes fixed firmly on you, and you were scared that she'd guessed your secret. But a few sharp taps on the shoulder from Chloe snapped her out of it, and she nodded. "Sure, sure, Chloe.

But she gave you a nod as if to say, "Tell me later."

But could you bring yourself to?

•MISSED CALL FROM BRANDON ROBERTS- 8:04 AM

•TEXT MESSAGE FROM ZOEY FRANKLIN- 5:53 PM

You almost jumped back with shock when you saw how fast Zoey had texted you. But what scared you the most was the fact that HE'd actually tried to call you. But for what reason?

You felt confused when you saw that he'd left no voicemail.

But when you moved onto Zoey's text, you sighed in frustration.

ZOEY: Nikki. Tell me what happened.

How would you tell her a believable lie? She was a 14-year old Dr Phil. There was no way you'd be able to get past her easily.

Although you thought it was pathetic, you told her the same thing you'd told Chloe.

YOU: Zoey, seriously. There's nothing wrong, other than I had detention.

ZOEY: I know you, Nikki, and you don't get this worked up over a detention. What's wrong? Is it about Brandon? Anything bad happen between you two at the sleepover?

Oh no. She was already so close!

YOU: No! It's about Mackenzie.

You thought that would stump her, but you were completely and utterly wrong.

ZOEY: Oh, really? Tell me what happened then.

YOU: Well... She's been harassing me more than ever lately.

ZOEY: Really? Considering the fact that she's thousands of miles away, holidaying in the Carribean, with no way whatsoever of contacting you? For a valley girl, she's clever.

You didn't want to tell her. If you told her that you thought Brandon hated you, she and Chloe would probably interrogate him and, if it turned out the way you were thinking of, they'd probably tell you to leave him for someone else, and you knew that THAT would be one of the hardest things for you to do after all you'd been through with him.

In the end, you decided to turn off your phone for the night. You'd have enough trouble to face tomorrow.

Before you drifted off to sleep that night, you briefly wondered who that figure at the window could have been.

And what exactly had they been holding?


	5. four

**Ideal song for this chapter: Everybody Finds Love (In the End)- Sakura Nagashi**

Should you have forgiven him?

You pondered this question to yourself as you wandered the place- a huge garden. The bushes and fields were bustling with people who didn't seem to notice a lone teenager in heart pyjamas strolling around. Even though there was no sign of Brandon around, your troubled mind still thought back to him.

It had been mostly your fault, after all- you had been the one who'd stayed awake and seen everything that night. But what choice did you have? You couldn't sleep.

Still lost in thought, you kept walking around until you came to a quieter and prettier place.

A field of soft pinks and purples made up that entire field. When you cautiously stepped onto it, you were amazed to feel a soft, almost carpet-like grass beneath your feet. You admired the flowers all around and the occasional spray of petals decorating the sky.

The only sounds around were the gentle whispers of the summer wind and the buzzing of hummingbirds.

You honestly felt like you were going to fall asleep on the bed of flowers. What would happen? Would you wake up in reality again or trap yourself in yet another dream?

You found yourself hoping it would be the latter.

You were about to drift off, when, for the first time in a while, you heard another human voice.

"Ah... she loves this colour so much. I can't blame her, they're so pretty..."

You opened one eye in the voice's direction and your eyes widened to an impossible size.

Brandon was there, in his usual button-up shirt and pants, head facing the ground.

You turned to run, not wanting to see him again, but froze when you heard his next words;

"Nikki... I'm sorry I can't say a proper goodbye to you. But I need to go. I made you hate me. Who knows... maybe there's someone better for you out there."

He raised his head.

'_What?!'_

He was _smiling. _A soft, sad smile.

He stood up and brushed himself off like he wasn't about to do something completely horrible to himself.

He took out a pocket knife from his pocket.

"No," you cried out. "Brandon! Please, _stop_! I promise, if you don't, I'll stop being mad at you! _Please_! I'm not even angry at-"

But he didn't stop. The tip of the knife pressed against his skin.

Then, he _hesitated_.

A pained look crossed his face, and a few tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Brandon," you uttered. "Please, come-"

_THLSH_.


	6. five

"No!"

You shot up, tears streaming down your cheeks.

You weren't on the field, in front of a suicidal Brandon. There was no blood around you, and you could hear nothing but the pounding of your heart and your incessant sobs.

"Please don't be dead..."

You jumped out of your room, doing your morning routine as quickly as possible. You had to talk to him again, you had to!

Not even bothering to eat breakfast, you pulled your dad along with you to the bug truck. Luckily, by that time he'd eaten, but he still looked shocked as you tugged him along.

"What's wrong, Nikki?"

"Nothing, Dad." You didn't look at him. "I just want to be early this morning."

"Why's that?"

You resisted the urge to sigh. He didn't know what was going wrong, and you didn't want to involve him. "Nothing important. Just... School."

He didn't ask anymore questions after that, and drove you to school wordlessly. You could barely say goodbye to him before he drove off, leaving you with your head in your hands. You hadn't wanted to make him mad at you. You just wanted to hurry.

You rushed into school, eyes darting around the halls. _Where is he?!_

You were about to turn a corner, but stopped when you saw him, back turned, head lowered as he walked through the crowded hallway. He was wearing a grey, long-sleeved sweater instead of his usual button-up shirt.

You couldn't bring yourself to move. You couldn't bring yourself to face him, especially not after yesterday.

You slowly turned to go back, hoping you could muster up enough courage by Biology, but found yourself face-to-face with a horrid sight.

_Mackenzie_.

She wrinkled her nose at the sight of you. "What are you doing here, dork? Don't you have other places to be? Like the garbage disposal? Looks like it, 'coz you _look_ like _trash_!"

You gave her a stony glare. "Get out of my way, bitch."

"_What_ did you say?"

"Get out of my way, _bitch_." And with that you walked off.

As you looked for your first class, you caught sight of Chloe and Zoey. Chloe ran over to you, but Zoey followed behind, staring at you coldly.

"OMG, Nikki! I know that you had a detention, but why didn't you answer any of my texts?"

"Um..." _No, no, no! I can't be crying at a time like this!_

"Nikki? What's-"

Zoey spoke up. "We didn't get to finish our conversation last night, Nikki." She gripped your arm. "Now tell me, what's up with you and Brandon?"

Chloe's eyes widened in shock, mirroring your expression. "What?! What the hell's he done this-" Zoey cut her off with a finger to her lips. That was your cue to speak.

"Um... he... and I..." You tried to fool them by coughing incessantly, but Zoey just folded her arms.

"Nikki, I'm not stupid. I can tell a fake cough from a real one. So you better tell the truth quick. That is, if you don't want us to drag you to the janitor's closet and make you explain there. We _do _have a lot of time."

You gulped. "Err... Umm..."

_Oh, heck. I'll just tell them and get it over with._

You took a deep breath.

"Youknowthatsleepover? IkindadidsomethingreallybadtoBrandonandImessedupandnowIthinkhehatesmeI'msosorryguysIwastooscaredtogetyouinvolvedIamsososorrypleasedon'thateme."

Chloe gave you a look that said, "The heck was that."  
But Zoey pulled you into a tight hug, and after a few moments, Chloe joined the hug too.

"I'm so glad you told us, Nikki. You shouldn't have to go through this alone." She slowly pulled away. "You need to apologise to Brandon. If he tries something, don't worry-"

"No!" you screeched. "I-it was _my_ fault. _I _interfered in his business. So please... Let me talk to him alone."

For a few moments, Zoey stared at you contemplatively. But finally, she said, "Okay, Nikki. We'll leave you guys alone."

But just as she was about to walk off with Chloe, you grabbed her hand.

"I-I'm not saying I don't need you guys! You're my best friends! It's just... You guys have been such good friends to me, and I don't want to burden you with my problems..."

Chloe and Zoey looked a bit surprised for a few moments, but then they both pulled you in for a hug. Zoey spoke.

"Oh, Nikki... thanks for the appreciation. We'll let you talk to him alone, but tell us what happened after, okay?"

You nodded. "Thank you."

_It's time_.

You tried not to squirm in your seat when Brandon arrived, taking his seat next to you. As usual, he didn't strike up a conversation with you. And as usual, anxiety consumed your being. What would he say once you started it?

Before you could chicken out, the words streamed right out of your mouth.

"Brandon, can I talk to you?"

He jumped a little in his seat. When he calmed down (not turning around), he said, "S-sure, Nikki. Shoot."

He seemed nervous. But you gathered up enough courage to keep going. It was too late to stop.

"Y-you remember what happened last weekend, right? W-well, a-about that."

Brandon turned your direction a little. "What's up?"

You gulped. "I-I just want to say that I... I'm... I'm so... so... so-"

"_Brandon! _How are you, hon? Is Nikki-pooh here bothering you?!"

You blinked rapidly as you stared at Mackenzie in shock. _Why, of all times, did it have to be now_?!

Brandon looked like he'd just been shaken out of a trance. "M-Mackenzie..."

She smiled, showing her straight, pearly whites. "What is it, hon?"

"I-I have to talk to Nikki..."

But before Mackenzie could respond, the teacher arrived, sending Mackenzie dashing, frenzied, to her table.

_And yet another day goes_, you thought, sighing.

After Biology, you were only too eager to go to your next class and escape the awkwardness. But of course Brandon had other ideas. You had just stepped out of the classroom when he spoke to you again.

"Nikki. Can I talk to you?"

_Oh gosh… not again._

You could feel his stare burning into the back of your neck, and you couldn't take the awkwardness. This needed to be quick.

"What is it?"

Silence for a few moments.

"It's… it's about Tuesday."

You shut your eyes, feeling the shame of it all coming back. _Not this again, _please_… Anything but this again._

"I just wanted to say that… I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have broken down like that in front of you. I made you cry. So, please-" He froze when you whipped around.

"D-don't be the one to apologize! I shouldn't have been so nosy and stayed up. _I_ need to say sorry!" You felt tears pricking at your eyes, but you blinked them away, not wanting what had happened at the sleepver to repeat.

Brandon took a step towards you, making you take a step back. "Nikki. Please."

You shook your head. "No. It wasn't your fault."

"Well I know it wasn't yours!" he replied. "Just… please."

A thousand thoughts were going through your mind, making you feel dizzy.

Suddenly, something clicked in your memory. The figure at the window.

You felt all the blood drain from your face. _No. He couldn't have…!_

Before you could stop yourself, you caught his arm with a tight grip.

He winced in pain for a second—before he realized you were there.

"Nikki," he gasped. "What are… what are you doing?!"

You ignored him and gently pushed his sleeve up to his upper arm, before you examined the forearm. It looked perfectly fine, save for the strikingly uneven shade some of the skin was.

_No. Please, don't be one of them too…_

You rubbed the skin, making sure to make it as quick and gentle as possible, even as Brandon struggled to make you let go.

"No," he whispered, despair clear in his voice. "Don't look…!"

And that was when you found out another horrific secret of Brandon Roberts.

Dozens of red scars were scattered across soft skin, some looking newer than others. A few looked dangerously close to a vein.

So he _had_ been the figure at the window.

It took you a few seconds to realize that you were crying. And when you could bring yourself to look up, he was crying too.


	7. six

From the start of your first year at Westchester Country Day, you had always thought that Brandon Roberts had been the epitome of perfection, from his looks to his personality.

That thought held true until that day.

And now, you had just found out all the more reason to think of him as more imperfect than even you.

But... But I can't.

You stared at the cuts on his wrists, still unable to move. Your grip was lessening.

That gave Brandon the chance to pull away and run.

You were left there, staring hopelessly at the back of his head.

"How did it go, Nikki?"

You paused, the spoon of yoghurt halfway between the pottle and your open mouth. "What?" You hadn't wanted to think about it. About the horrible secret you'd uncovered...

"...you and Brandon. How did it go?" When you could bring yourself to look at Zoey again, you could see that she did not look happy. It resembled the look she'd given you when you'd tried to pretend nothing had happened at the sleepover. But it was noticeably softer.

"...do I have to tell you now? I-if I tell you here..." You sniffled involuntarily, and Zoey sighed.

"Okay. But tell us after school. When you get home, maybe?"

"That's fine."

You finished up your lunch with little conversation.

The bell rang, signalling the end of lunchtime. You sighed, relieved by the fact that you didn't have French with Brandon.

As you walked silently to your class, you noticed that Mackenzie and some of her fellow CCPs were going in the same direction as you, though none of them acknowledged you.

Then you realised. Oh. Right.

You entered the classroom, sitting down at your desk and taking out your French books. You quickly did some homework that you would have done if you hadn't been so consumed over everything that had occurred lately.

Luckily, you finished up just as the teacher came in and the whole class stood up.

"_Bon après-midi_."

"_Bon aprés-midi, Madame_," replied the class.

_"Asseyez-vous, s'il vous plait."_

The class sat down. After the teacher had called out the roll, the hour-long class began.

For most of it you were trying your hardest to pay attention as your mind kept drifting to your troubles. Eventually you started to recite French sentences in your head.

_Je m'appelle Nikki Maxwell._

_Je suis brune._

_J'ai les yeux marron._

_Je suis mince._

_Je suis assez sympa._

You felt that the last one was a complete lie. You weren't nice, not even quite. You only thought that because you needed something positive for your introduction.

_Non... Je ne suis pas sympa._

_Je suis... Horrible. _

It did hurt to think that about yourself, no matter how true it was.

You held back the tears. You didn't want to cry anymore. Crying had done nothing for you.

The end of the school day had finally arrived. You were packing away your books when you were roughly tapped on the shoulder by what felt like a fingernail. You turned around and were less than surprised.

Mackenzie Hollister stood there, arms folded, an impatient look on her makeup-caked face. Her goons stood behind her, looking ready to pounce if you tried to escape.

"What?"

You were a bit taken aback by how flat your voice sounded, but you figured it was just because you didn't feel like you had time for Mackenzie's bullshit.

Mackenzie's eyes narrowed. "That was a pretty smart comment you made yesterday, Maxwell."

But the next thing she did said the exact opposite.

She slapped you in the face, hard enough to leave a slightly red mark.

"Hmm, but I don't think that was enough payback. I think you'll want to know a little something more."

You stood up, backpack already on your back. "And what would that be?" you asked with gritting teeth. That slap had hurt, and it was hard not to think of doing the same back to her.

She leaned into your ear close enough to make you uncomfortable, close enough that you could smell her lipgloss.

"I noticed that Brandon's been acting less than himself. And I have a feeling you have something to do with it."

She sighed.

"If only he'd invited me instead of your sorry little ass. But I tell you..."

And her final words before sashaying out of the classroom were;

"If I ever hear that you've made him cry... _Tu es morte, Maxwell_."

* * *

**A/N: I finally updated! I'm so sorry that I was really late, but I have an unpredictable amount of inspiration...**

**Anyway, the French I use here mostly comes from the French that I take at high school. So if it doesn't sound right to you, I apologise.**

**See you in the next chapter (which I will try to get published faster)!**


	8. six point five

[NEW GROUP CHAT]

Chloe: Nikki are u there?

Zoey: Nikki?

You: Yeah. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you guys earlier.

Chloe: As long as u tell us, it's fine.

Zoey: Agreed. Now, can you please tell us what happened?

You: Alright. Here goes...

I was really reluctant to talk to him, so I was kind of delaying, until class ended and he tried to apologise.

Chloe: okay...

You: I was trying to run away. I really didn't think he wanted to talk to me after what I did. But when he apologised, that gave me quite a shock.

Zoey: I imagine...

You: Then we got into a really big argument... and...

Chloe: And...?

Zoey: Nikki?

Are you there?

Chloe: NIKKI :(

[30 minutes later]

You: Sorry guys, I had to have dinner...

Zoey: Oh.

Chloe: Thank God!

You: So anyway... Umm... Please don't tell this to anyone else, but...

Chloe: But what?

You: I found out that Brandon... Brandon cuts.

Chloe: He does?!

You: Yeah. It's been bothering me so much... And I have a feeling it has to do with the sleepover.

Zoey: I don't think he did it for attention. I think he wanted to punish himself for making you cry.

You: I intruded on him... Why would HE want to apologise to ME?

Zoey: Hmm...

You: ?

Chloe: ?

Zoey: He probably DOES think it was all his fault, and since he can't get himself to apologise to you, he's taking it out on himself.

You: ...

That actually makes a lot of sense.

I still think I'm at fault here, though... Guys, what should I do? I don't want him to end up hating me as much as Mackenzie does.

Chloe: Maybe u could ask for a conversation by volunteering at Fuzzy Friends again? As well as pretty much complete privacy, you get to see all the cute puppies and kittens again!

Zoey: Hmm...

How about you leave him a note in his locker if you don't want to say it in person? You could ask to meet him somewhere private.

Chloe: Oh yeah! Then Mackenzie won't be able to interrupt you guys!

You: OMG, great idea! Okay, so we've got a plan. Thank you so much guys. You have no idea how much this means to me.

Chloe: We know. We just hope it goes well.

Zoey: Yeah. You should probably write the note now, BTW.

You: I was just thinking of that...

Chloe: See ya guys tomorrow. Mom's taking my phone off me now :( Wish u luck on tomorrow Nikki :)

Zoey: Okay. See you guys tomorrow. I have to do some studying. Good luck Nikki!

You: Okay... See you guys tomorrow. And thanks. :) You guys are the bestest friends ever.


End file.
